Dear Friends and Family  
 

This past year has been unlike any other in almost every way imaginable. I have seen and experienced sadness and pain so great that the weight of it often seemed unbearable. I have also seen and experienced miracles and selfless love that I could not have previously imagined.

I was initially diagnosed with Stage 3 Hodgkin’s Lymphoma in February and began treatment in the beginning of March, beginning with AVBD. AVBD is a type of outpatient chemotherapy that required me to go to the hospital twice a month for treatment. It is the traditional first line of defense against Hodgkin’s because it has an 85% cure rate. At the beginning, I was told that the additional 15% was comprised primarily of the elderly and those with additional health issues. Unfortunately, after nine treatments, it became apparent that the treatment was not working for me. My cancer had not shrunk and my doctor began to be concerned that one tumor was actually growing. I immediately switched to ESHAP, an inpatient chemotherapy that was four consecutive days, twice a month. After only one treatment, my doctor didn’t see any improvement and stopped the treatment. For the subsequent month, I just waited for the next step. I had an additional biopsy to confirm my diagnosis and became sick as a result of the spreading cancer.

This was the first time that I was no longer confident that the doctors and treatments could cure me. As I waited, completely powerless and sicker by the day, for the doctors to decide a course of treatment that was not obvious to any of them, I decided the doctors were not going to save me. They had followed the procedure for treating Hodgkin’s and were baffled that it did not work. So I decided I would give God a shot.

I truly believe that I was not healed by these treatments because I was not allowing God to receive glory from my cancer. I said aloud, on several occasions, that I did not need God to heal me because I had chemotherapy and some of the best doctors in the nation. While this may sound as if God was being harsh, I don’t think he acted in a way that should surprise us. In John 9, Jesus and his disciples come across a blind man and the disciples ask Jesus, “Who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus replied, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.” He then reveals his glory by healing the man. As people, we sometimes forget why we’re here. We are busy with school, work, our families, ourselves and begin to believe that our lives are of utmost importance. We forget that we exist for the purpose of bringing glory to God. And whether that means we are blessed or suffer, both of which we’ve all experienced, God’s desire is that the end result will be to bring glory to himself. So God became my focus and, honestly, my last hope of healing.

And since I began allowing God to play an active role in my cancer, he has received glory in so many ways. I have had many encounters in which I was able to use my circumstance to discuss Jesus with people who normally would be very resistant. When you’re a 21-year-old girl with no hair, people begin to wonder how you can believe in God and are certainly more willing to listen to your thoughts on the afterlife. I’ve received letters from as far away as New England from people telling me how my experience with Hodgkin’s has touched them. Closer to home, my church in Folsom held a fundraiser for me called “Relentless for Chelsey.” It was an amazing event that not only took the financial strain of cancer off of my family, but also gave everyone, including me, a better image of who Christ is. An entire town was able to see how a true Christian community cares for one another and through that, see the love of Christ. Never have I seen the church acting more like it was intended to. And through this and more, God received his glory.

Finally, the last week in July, I began a treatment called ICE chemotherapy. It was a three-day, in hospital treatment. For the first time, the cancer responded and began to shrink without immediately returning to its original size. My doctors decided to do two of these treatments and then check me into the hospital for a stem cell transplant. I used my own stem cells that were harvested a few weeks prior to my hospital stay. This month in the hospital consisted of total body radiation (TBI), two types of chemo, the transplant and weeks of recovery while we waited for my counts to rise. I was in the hospital for a month and it was, to date, the toughest experience of my life. Fortunately, I don’t remember the worst half of my stay. In the hospital and while recovering, my entire “glory to God” approach changed to a “God please heal me” approach.

I’ve always been confused about the parable of the persistent widow. In this parable, a widow continually goes to an unjust king asking for justice. Eventually, he responds to her request only to get her to stop asking. The parable goes on that in the same way, God will bring about justice for those who cry out day and night. He will not continue to put them off but give them justice. To me, this always seemed like overkill and it only further confused me as to why God chooses to act. But in the hospital, I did not let my confusion over this parable prevent me from following in its path. I became like the persistent widow, continually praying for healing and that God would walk alongside me through the process.

And God was faithful. I have had amazing doctors, some of the best specialist in the country, and my nurses have been unbelievable. The bond I formed with the medical staff and fellow patients has truly been a blessing. And my recovery when I left the hospital was nothing short of miraculous. Literally every morning for the first couple of weeks, I would wake up noticeably better than the day before. The doctors and nurses were astounded at the rate at which I began to heal. And I learned that I didn’t need to completely understand God in order to desperately need him and to have him play an active role in my life. I honestly believe God healed me after the stem cell transplant. There simply isn’t another explanation for why it was able to happen so quickly.

Along with the hope of healing, I have thought a lot about death over the past year. For me, they became inseparable, my only two options. When the first two treatments didn’t work and I saw fellow patients die from procedures that I was also undergoing, my mind couldn’t help but think, “That could be me. I could die from this.” And, honestly, if the stem cell transplant has not remove all of the cancer, then I could still die. But even if I don’t die within the next year or five years, I will eventually die. This experience has made me realize how fragile life really is and how it will end for everyone, very suddenly or too early for many. And while this breaks my heart, I am grateful that God has provided an answer. By sending us his son, Jesus, to take the form of a man and die, bearing the weight of all of our sins, we have the opportunity to conquer death. God knew that death was our ultimate threat and he provided the answer, the only way out. By truly believing in and walking with God, death is no longer the end. It is merely the beginning of an eternity spent with Christ. And for that, I am more grateful than ever.

This year has been unexpected, to say the least. And I don’t know what tomorrow brings. I don’t know if my treatment worked, I don’t know if it will result in another cancer in the future. I simply can’t foresee what the outcome of this year will be, but my hope is in the Lord. He has been unbelievably faithful throughout this process and has revealed who he is through many of you and through choosing to directly act in my life. I am writing this letter in hopes that you may be encouraged by how God is moving in my life. Even in the worst of circumstances, he remains constant and responsive.

I also want to thank you for the role you have played in my life over the past year. I have been so supported and encouraged in every possible manner and I am so grateful. I could not have kept a positive attitude without the hospital visits, prayers, letters, groceries, and everything else people did that made me feel loved and supported. Please continue to pray that the treatment worked and the PET scan comes back clear, not only in January but well into the future. I’m told it takes five years to be considered cured and I am certainly hoping to make the mark.

Thank you for taking the time to read the entirety of my rambling reflections on the past year. No matter what this next year may bring or what the last year has already brought, God is faithful to the end, because he has his eye on eternity.

With love and appreciation,
Chelsey